best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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