On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
