My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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