so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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