i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
