after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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