The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
