So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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