OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
