cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
