I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
