Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
