what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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