I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize