so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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