Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
please don't ironically join a cult
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