And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
