I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
