dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
