She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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