My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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