It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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