she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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