So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
