Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
