if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I forgot wine drunk hurts
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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