o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
