are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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