We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
