I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
