I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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