I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
