I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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