Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
