You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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