90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
