My friends, they love my intelligence
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
