I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
