I saw his package. It spoke to me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i came on her dog
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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