He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
