Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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