This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
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