are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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