Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
