We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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