he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Randomize
