you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
