Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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