Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
