I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
