dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
