My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
