He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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