Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
