Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
