Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
