eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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