Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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