She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
