We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
