the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
