Sponge bath it is.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
