I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
