she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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