I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
