When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
