You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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