i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
