Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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