I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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