i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
