the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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