I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
