This dress was meant to end up on your floor
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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